Jokes on condoms

If you know any other jokes on condoms write to us!

Twelve Pack
A father and his son go into the grocery store when they happen upon the condom aisle. The son asks his father why there are so many different boxes of condoms. The father replies, ''Well, you see that 3-pack? That's for when you're in high school. You have 2 for Friday night and 1 for Saturday night.''
The son then asks his father, ''What's the 6-pack for?''

The father replies, ''Well, that's for when you're in college. You have 2 for Friday night, 2 for Saturday night, and 2 for Sunday morning.''

Then the son asks his father what the 12-pack is for.
The father replies, ''Well, that's for when you're married. You have one for January, one for February, one for March, one for.....''

Crystal Balls
Why dont gypsies wear condoms?
They have crystal balls so they can see themselves coming.

Condoms at the Chemist
One day a man went into a chemist and asked the girl behind the counter for three packs of condoms.
"Yes, certainly." she replied "Have you tried the coloured ones? There's blue, red and yellow."
"No, actually I haven't tried them but I think I will give them a go. I'll have one pack of each colour please."
The girl gave him the condoms and he left.
Nine months later the same man walked into the chemist. The same girl was serving behind the counter.
"I'll have one maternity bra please." said the man.
"What bust?" asked the girl.
The man replied "The blue one."

A Boy and his Goat
One day a boy walked into a pharmacy. He walked around for a while until he found what he was looking for. He grabbed a box of ribbed condoms, walked up to the checkout lane, and slapped them on the counter. The sales clerk, looking suspiciously at the young boy, said, "Well son, here you go, that'll be £2. The boy pulled out a £5 note, handed it to the man, and the salesclerk asked him, "Now, boy, do you know what the ribs are for?"
The boy answered, "No sir I don't, but they sure make the hair on my goats back stand up!"

3 men in a pub
3 men were in a pub the 1st man said "i found a packet of fags in my daughters room the other day, i didnt know she smoked" the 2nd man says "i found a pair of extra pants in my drawer they wernt even mine they were my sons" 3rd man says "i found a condom in my daughters room, i never knew she had a dick!"

Missing Condoms
A young couple with a box of condoms proceeded to do the wild thing. When they finished, she discovered that there were only six condoms remaining in the box of 12, so she asked him, "What happened to the other five condoms?" His nervous reply was, "Er, I masturbated with them." Later, she then approached her male confidant friend, told him the story, and then asked him, "Have you ever done that?"
"Yeah, once or twice," he told her.
"You mean you've actually masturbated with a condom before?" she asked.
"Oh," he said, "I thought you were asking if I'd ever lied to my girlfriend."

Condom packs
A father and his son go into the grocery store when they happen upon the condom aisle. The son asks his father why there are so many different boxes of condoms. The father replies... well, you see that 3 pack? That's for when you're in high school. You have 2 for Friday night and 1 for Saturday night.
The son then asks his father, well what's the 6 pack for? The father replies, well that's for when you're in college. You have 2 for Friday night, 2 for Saturday night, and 2 for Sunday morning. Then the son asks his father what the 12 pack is for. The father replies, well that's for when you're married. You have one for January, one for February, one for March.....
Words of wisdom:
"Don't buy this gum, it tastes like rubber"! - On a condom dispenser in a bar in Winnipeg, Manitoba
Q. How is a condom like a Kodak print?
A. They both capture that special moment.
Q. What do condoms and women have in common?
A. Both spend a lot of time in your wallet and very little time on your wiener!
Q. What's the difference between a tire and 365 used rubbers?
A. One is a Goodyear and the other is a great year.

Buying condoms
A young man goes into a drug store to buy condoms. The pharmacist says the condoms comes in packs of 3, 9 or 12 and asks which the young man wants. "Well", he said, "I've been seeing this girl for awhile and she's really hot. I want the condoms because I think tonight's "the" night. We're having dinner with her parents, and then we're going out. And I've got a feeling I'm gonna get lucky after that. Once she's had me, she'll want me all the time, so you better give me the 12 pack." The young man makes his purchases and leaves. Later that evening, he sits down to dinner with his girlfriend and her parents. He asks if he might give the blessing, and they agree. He beings the prayer but continues for several minutes. The girl leans over and says, "You never told me that you were such a religious person." He leans over to her and says. "You never told me that your father is a pharmacist."

2010 OLYMPIC CONDOMS
A man was shopping in the local drugstore and spotted a new brand of condoms. He bought a pack and told his wife about it when he got home. The name of the new condoms was "Olympic".
"Olympic Condoms?" asked his puzzled wife. "What makes them so special"?
He replied, "There are three colors: gold, silver and bronze".
"What color are you going to wear tonight"? she asked.
"Gold, of course," he answered proudly.
"How about silver?" she suggested. "It would be nice if you came in second for a change"!

Condom slogans
Nike Condoms: Just do it.
Toyota Condoms: Oh what a feeling.
Diet Pepsi Condoms: You got the right one, baby.
Pringles Condoms: Once you pop, you can't stop.
Mentos Condoms: The freshmaker.
Flintstones Vitamins Condom: Ten million strong and growing.
Secret Condoms: Strong enough for a man, but pH balanced for a woman.
Macintosh Condom: It does more, it costs less, it's that simple.
Ford Condoms: The best never rest.
Chevy Condoms: Like a rock.
Dial Condoms: Aren't you glad you use it? Don't you wish everybody did?
New York Lotto Condoms: Cause hey - you never know.
California Lotto Condoms: Who's next?
Avis Condoms: Trying harder than ever.
KFC Condoms: Finger-Licking Good.
Coca Cola Condoms: Always the Real Thing.
Lays Condoms: Betcha can't have just one.
Campbell's Soup Condoms: Mmm, mmm, good.
General Electric Condoms: We bring good things to life!
AT&T Condoms: Reach out and touch someone.
Bounty Condoms: The quicker picker upper.
Microsoft Condoms: Where do you want to go today?
Energizer Condoms: It keeps going, and going, and going...
M&M Condoms: It melts in your mouth, not in your hands!
Taco Bell Condoms: Get some; make a run for the border.
MCI Condoms: For friends and family
Doublemint Condoms: Double your pleasure, double your fun!
The Sears latex Condoms: One coat is good for the entire winter.
Delta Airlines travel pack Condoms: Delta is ready when you are.
United Airlines travel pack Condoms: Fly United.
The Star Trek Condoms: To Boldly Go Where No Man Has Gone Before.

Ones to AVOID!
Rice Krispie Condoms: Snap, crackle, pop.
McDonald's Condoms: You deserve a break today.
Sprite Condoms: Never had it, never will.
In 'n Out Burger Condoms: ('nough said)
Federal Express Condoms: When it absolutely, positively has to get there overnight.
Wendy's Condoms: Where's the beef?
Lifesaver Condoms: The one with the hole in the middle.
Jello Condoms: Watch it wiggle, see it jiggle.
Payless Condoms: You could pay more, but why?
Sprint Condoms: A dime a minute.
Hamburger Helper Condoms: When you need a helping hand.
Saturn Condoms: A different kind of condom.
Memorex Condoms: Is it real or is it .....

Twins
A man was carrying two babies, one in each arm, while waiting for a train. Along came this woman seeing the two cute babies started asking the man, "Aren't they cute, what are their names?"
The man gave the lady an angry look and replied, "I don't know."
The lady asked again, "Which is the boy and which is the girl?"
The man looking angrier than before replied, "I don't know."
The woman then started to scold the man, "What kind of a father are you?"
The man replied, "I am not their father, I am just a condom salesman and these are two complaints that I am taking back to my company."

Winking
A man with a winking problem is applying for a position as a sales representative for a large firm. The interviewer looks over his papers and says, "This is phenomenal. You've graduated from the best schools; your recommendations are wonderful, and your experience is unparalleled. Normally, we'd hire you without a second thought. However, a sales representative has a highly visible position, and we're afraid that your constant winking will scare off potential customers. I'm sorry....we can't hire you." "But wait," he said. "If I take two aspirin, I'll stop winking!" "Really? Great! Show me!"
So the applicant reaches into his jacket pocket and begins pulling out all sorts of condoms: red condoms, blue condoms, ribbed condoms, flavored condoms; finally, at the bottom, he finds a packet of aspirin. He tears it open, swallows the pills, and stops winking.
"Well," said the interviewer, "that's all well and good, but this is a respectable company, and we will not have our employees womanizing all over the country!"

Condom voyage
Mr. Wojohowitz had been retired for a year when his wife of fifty years suggested one day, "why don't we take a cruise for a week and make wild passionate love like we did when we were young"?
He thought it over and agreed. He put on his hat and coat and went down to the corner drug store. He stepped up to the counter and asked for a bottle of seasick pills and a box of condoms.
Upon returning home his wife greeted him at the door saying, "you know dear, I've been thinking it over and I see no reason why we couldn't manage a month long cruise so we could really relax and make wild passionate love like we did when we were young."
He smiled, turned around and went back to the pharmacy. He stepped up and ordered 12 bottles of seasick pills and a dozen boxes of condoms.
Upon returning back home his wife met him on the porch with a big smile on her face.
"Max, I have a marvelous idea. You know, now that our children are all on their own, there's nothing to stop us from cruising around the world".
"I'll be right back," he said.
Back to the drug store he went. When he approached the pharmacy counter the druggist looked up with a puzzled grin. Mr. Wojohowitz sheepishly ordered 297 bottles of seasick pills and the same number of boxes of condoms.
The startled pharmacist busied himself filling the order then passed the wrapped package across the counter saying, "You know, Mr. Wojohowitz, you've been doing business with me for over thirty years. I certainly don't mean to pry, but if it makes you that sick - WHY DO YOU DO IT?!?